Since Crossfit told me I was coming on too strong and he wasn't feeling it "that way" we've actually been friends. And I've enjoyed it. To a point. Since I no longer care what he thinks of me I am free to be brutally honest with him, tell him when he's annoying me, and get a straight man's perspective on things from time to time. He, in turn, has come to me for some of the same things. It's how a friendship works, right?
But lately he has been constantly making sexual comments to me. At first it was just complimentary guy friend comments about how I'm hot and what have you. I was flattered and laughed them off, figuring he was just being a nice guy. Then suddenly everything I said was grounds for him to make some obnoxious sexual comment:
Me: "Wow this rain really sucks."
Him: "Yeah it does, maybe if I gave you a massage you'd feel better."
Um, EW.
When his comments started getting gross and inappropriate, I'll admit, maybe I wasn't as firm with him as I should've been. But after the 15th time in 5 minutes I said that we are F-R-I-E-N-D-S and that's it. Period. End of gchat discussion since this is the only way we have communicated since he decided he didn't want to date me.
Apparently my spelling it out did not make it clear to him that I had zero intention of ever getting naked with him again in this lifetime. The other day he asked me to hang out and, already exhausted from fighting off his sexual advances I told him that I did not want to hang out with him because I did not trust him to just HANG OUT. He was shocked by my response and couldn't believe I didn't trust him since I'm one of his "closest friends."
I point blank asked him how he could call me one of his closest friends when all he ever wanted to talk to me about was sex.
His response? "Well you've always known I want to have sex with you again so why don't we just get it over with and then we can move on?"
I'm sorry, WHAT?!?! Seriously dude, you've been unemployed so long your brain has turned to mush and your synapses are clearly misfiring because how you even think that is a POSSIBILITY is beyond me. Again, I said as much.
And his response is what made me thank God, Buddha, Xenu and any other higher powers that may or may not exist that I never got into a relationship with this moron.
He said that if I never had any intention of sleeping with him again I shouldn't have ever brought it up. I pointed out that *I* never *did* bring it up, HE always did but I didn't just tell him to shut up every time he said something to that effect. OK, my mistake, I was trying to just ignore the inappropriate-ness and change the subject. Fine. Lesson learned. But then he had the audacity to say THIS:
"I don't like people to be wishy-washy when they are talking about something I want. That's a very mean thing to do to me. Imagine a mom driving her kid by Disneyland a bunch of times and then telling him he's not allowed to go inside. That's like what you are doing to me."
At this point I had to step away from the computer because my head exploded and I needed to clean up the mess it made.
I mean REALLY?!?!?!?! How STUPID can one human being BE?!?!?! The frightening thing is that he believes this is a perfectly legit and justified statement he just made.
I thought my man Muscles made the stupidest move I've ever seen a guy make when he tried to sell me his U2 tickets after he dropped me like a bad habit, but I think Crossfit just one upped him.
Only sleep with someone you love or can say you love without smirking,
LL
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Smitten Kitten
Unfortunately for me, the Italian Stallion had the exact opposite affect on me that I intended him to. Instead of making me less nutso about Crikey his whole "kids confession" only made me even more convinced that Crikey is awesome and that I am fully "in like" with him. Dammit.
Crikey finally returned from Germany and called me shortly after he got back. He left me a very cute voicemail that I then saved and refuse to admit how many times I've listened to. Bottom line: he wanted to see me again and, more importantly, he wanted to kiss me again. YES.
We made plans for Saturday night and my heart was all aflutter in anticipation of seeing him. Up til now all I've had to tide me over was paparazzi photos of him and "his" celebrity. And let me tell you, nothing tests my newfound self esteem like the countless pictures of him hanging out with a woman that beautiful on a regular basis.
He had to work for said gorgeous gal on Saturday so he said he would call me around 7pm when he was off. 7pm came and went and I had a mild panic attack as I realized how similar in behavior this was to San DiegNO. Not wanting to feel like Baby and be put in a corner again, I texted him around 7:30.
He finally called at 8:15, apologizing and explaining that his employers decided to go to dinner at the last minute so he had had to hang around. OK cool, I get it, work is important, but while you were sitting at the sushi bar watching them you couldn't have taken 3 seconds to text me this? Minus one point for the ex-pat. He could tell I was annoyed so he said he would go home and change and come get me. He laid it on extra thick telling me how much he couldn't wait to see me. Yeah, I'll believe it when I actually see you in person more than once a year my friend.
Sure enough, he called me back 20 minutes later once he had gotten home. He started the conversation with, "OK, now you're going to be pissed," so I was already on the defensive. We've been having a lot of rain here in El Ay and his apartment had flooded. Not THAT big of a deal but something he needed to deal with immediately because on Tuesday he was leaving again, this time for South Africa. To his credit, he took it well when I laid into him a bit and he promised to make it up to me the following day.
Humph. As my friend I was reporting all of the happenings to, and who so kindly offered to take me out and get me drunk when I first hadn't heard from Crikey, so perfectly said, "He better be buying us diamonds if he wants us to forgive him for this!"
I'd settle for bottomless mimosas the following day at brunch, which he agreed to.
The next morning, once again, I was ready to go and didn't hear from him, til finally I texted him, "Ahem. Did someone drown in their apartment? I'm hungry." He called immediately and said he was coming to get me. Damn right you are!
Once I saw him, all anger went out the window. He was hotter than I remembered and those EYES. I think we were both a bit nervous. *I* definitely was. What if the first time we met was a fluke and he was as exciting as a box of rocks? What if we couldn't carry on a conversation with just the two of us and no alcoholic beverages present?
I needn't have worried. Conversation flowed easily, we kept up with each other's sense of humor, and though he was not affectionate with me at first, by the end of the brunch we were very touchy feely. As we were driving home he was holding my hand, driving, and dealing with some security issues (work ones, not his confidence leve). Every time the phone rang he would apologize and move his hand to my leg, rubbing my neck, something so that he was still touching me. H-O-T.
We got back to my place and he came in. I made a show of showing him pictures of my family which were, "conincidentally", in my room. He, being the intelligent man he is, didn't let the opportunity pass him by and he kissed me.
It's electric, boogie woogie woogie!
We continued making out and chatting and talking about things we would do together when he got back from South Africa. He asked if I liked massages, I said depends on who's giving them, why? And he said he was thinking when he got back maybe we could go for a weekend away and get a massage together while we're at it.
!!!!!!!!!!
This was Superbowl Sunday (I know, I'm a little slow on the update) and we both had parties to go to so soon after we had to break it up. I was on cloud nine for the rest of the afternoon and we were texting throughout the game. Even my friend who was demanding diamonds decided to forgive him.
How many days til he's back?
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell,
LL
Crikey finally returned from Germany and called me shortly after he got back. He left me a very cute voicemail that I then saved and refuse to admit how many times I've listened to. Bottom line: he wanted to see me again and, more importantly, he wanted to kiss me again. YES.
We made plans for Saturday night and my heart was all aflutter in anticipation of seeing him. Up til now all I've had to tide me over was paparazzi photos of him and "his" celebrity. And let me tell you, nothing tests my newfound self esteem like the countless pictures of him hanging out with a woman that beautiful on a regular basis.
He had to work for said gorgeous gal on Saturday so he said he would call me around 7pm when he was off. 7pm came and went and I had a mild panic attack as I realized how similar in behavior this was to San DiegNO. Not wanting to feel like Baby and be put in a corner again, I texted him around 7:30.
He finally called at 8:15, apologizing and explaining that his employers decided to go to dinner at the last minute so he had had to hang around. OK cool, I get it, work is important, but while you were sitting at the sushi bar watching them you couldn't have taken 3 seconds to text me this? Minus one point for the ex-pat. He could tell I was annoyed so he said he would go home and change and come get me. He laid it on extra thick telling me how much he couldn't wait to see me. Yeah, I'll believe it when I actually see you in person more than once a year my friend.
Sure enough, he called me back 20 minutes later once he had gotten home. He started the conversation with, "OK, now you're going to be pissed," so I was already on the defensive. We've been having a lot of rain here in El Ay and his apartment had flooded. Not THAT big of a deal but something he needed to deal with immediately because on Tuesday he was leaving again, this time for South Africa. To his credit, he took it well when I laid into him a bit and he promised to make it up to me the following day.
Humph. As my friend I was reporting all of the happenings to, and who so kindly offered to take me out and get me drunk when I first hadn't heard from Crikey, so perfectly said, "He better be buying us diamonds if he wants us to forgive him for this!"
I'd settle for bottomless mimosas the following day at brunch, which he agreed to.
The next morning, once again, I was ready to go and didn't hear from him, til finally I texted him, "Ahem. Did someone drown in their apartment? I'm hungry." He called immediately and said he was coming to get me. Damn right you are!
Once I saw him, all anger went out the window. He was hotter than I remembered and those EYES. I think we were both a bit nervous. *I* definitely was. What if the first time we met was a fluke and he was as exciting as a box of rocks? What if we couldn't carry on a conversation with just the two of us and no alcoholic beverages present?
I needn't have worried. Conversation flowed easily, we kept up with each other's sense of humor, and though he was not affectionate with me at first, by the end of the brunch we were very touchy feely. As we were driving home he was holding my hand, driving, and dealing with some security issues (work ones, not his confidence leve). Every time the phone rang he would apologize and move his hand to my leg, rubbing my neck, something so that he was still touching me. H-O-T.
We got back to my place and he came in. I made a show of showing him pictures of my family which were, "conincidentally", in my room. He, being the intelligent man he is, didn't let the opportunity pass him by and he kissed me.
It's electric, boogie woogie woogie!
We continued making out and chatting and talking about things we would do together when he got back from South Africa. He asked if I liked massages, I said depends on who's giving them, why? And he said he was thinking when he got back maybe we could go for a weekend away and get a massage together while we're at it.
!!!!!!!!!!
This was Superbowl Sunday (I know, I'm a little slow on the update) and we both had parties to go to so soon after we had to break it up. I was on cloud nine for the rest of the afternoon and we were texting throughout the game. Even my friend who was demanding diamonds decided to forgive him.
How many days til he's back?
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell,
LL
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The Italian Stallion
After the San Diego debacle, I hightailed it back to Match. Crikey still wouldn't be home for another week at least and who knows if he would return to his flakey ways that had plagued him for the past 3 months we'd been talking?
So, onward!
Fortunately, there was some great new "talent" to be seen. One in particular was The Italian Stallion: 39, 6'3, tall, dark, handsome, athletic, and with a job in medical sales. (cha-ching!) I figured he was way too hot for me but let's remember, I thought that about San Diego too and look what a trainwreck he turned out to be. So I winked.
Two days later I received a friendly email from him saying he liked my profile and we should chat more. I sent him one back and a few hours later he replied. I like it when a guy is direct and doesn't decide he needs to wait 2 days to reply. In his 2nd email he asked for my number. Again, because I like directness, (and because he didn't seem like the serial killer type) I was happy to give it to him.
He texted me the next day. Some may say ew, what a cop out, but I am a huge fan of texting. I'm on the phone all day for work so I avoid it like the plague outside of the office. We spent the rest of the day chatting via text. He was witty, asked me questions about myself, and even sent me some flirtatious texts in Italian! Sold, to the lady who's a tramp!
The following day, he called me. I know I just said I hate the phone but I do think it is a necessary evil in the world of online dating. I'd rather chat on the phone and see how our rapport flows rather than meet in person and find out that in reality he has trouble forming complete sentences. We ended up talking for 45 minutes which is a record for me. I was pleasantly surprised.
We agreed to meet for a drink 2 days later. He had a business dinner that night so it was a later night meeting which was fine with me because it meant I had a built in "out." He picked a nice place halfway between us and we met around 10pm.
He was as tall as he claimed to be in his profile, and just as buff. Score 2 points for the man in the suit. Yes, he was wearing a suit and he looked dashing, even if it was his work clothes. We talked, we laughed, we held hands and sang kumbaya.
I kid, I kid.
Which brings me to the point in the date where he decides he wants to tell me "his story." I've never had anyone on a date present themselves to me like that and I thought uh oh, here we go, this is where he confesses he is currently in Narcotics Anonymous and he has embraced the lord as his savior.
Not quite. But I was close.
Turns out he has 2 kids, ages 4 and 7. I had noticed on his profile that under the wants kids and has kids questions he hadn't answered so I was a BIT suspicious...especially since he listed himself as divorced. But whatever, it's about putting myself out there so I decided to give him a shot. I was having such a good time that I even halfway convinced myself maybe I could be ok with the kids.
I know, I know, pick your jaw off the floor.
Once I stepped away from the alcoholic beverages, despite our sweet goodnight kiss, I finally admitted to myself: NO. WAY. I do not even want my OWN children let alone someone else's. He is a very good man and will make someone very happy someday...just not me.
This is becoming a repeated theme throughout my online dating journey. Where the hell is my success story that will then be made into a nauseating commercial?!?!
Oh Crikey.....
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat,
LL
So, onward!
Fortunately, there was some great new "talent" to be seen. One in particular was The Italian Stallion: 39, 6'3, tall, dark, handsome, athletic, and with a job in medical sales. (cha-ching!) I figured he was way too hot for me but let's remember, I thought that about San Diego too and look what a trainwreck he turned out to be. So I winked.
Two days later I received a friendly email from him saying he liked my profile and we should chat more. I sent him one back and a few hours later he replied. I like it when a guy is direct and doesn't decide he needs to wait 2 days to reply. In his 2nd email he asked for my number. Again, because I like directness, (and because he didn't seem like the serial killer type) I was happy to give it to him.
He texted me the next day. Some may say ew, what a cop out, but I am a huge fan of texting. I'm on the phone all day for work so I avoid it like the plague outside of the office. We spent the rest of the day chatting via text. He was witty, asked me questions about myself, and even sent me some flirtatious texts in Italian! Sold, to the lady who's a tramp!
The following day, he called me. I know I just said I hate the phone but I do think it is a necessary evil in the world of online dating. I'd rather chat on the phone and see how our rapport flows rather than meet in person and find out that in reality he has trouble forming complete sentences. We ended up talking for 45 minutes which is a record for me. I was pleasantly surprised.
We agreed to meet for a drink 2 days later. He had a business dinner that night so it was a later night meeting which was fine with me because it meant I had a built in "out." He picked a nice place halfway between us and we met around 10pm.
He was as tall as he claimed to be in his profile, and just as buff. Score 2 points for the man in the suit. Yes, he was wearing a suit and he looked dashing, even if it was his work clothes. We talked, we laughed, we held hands and sang kumbaya.
I kid, I kid.
Which brings me to the point in the date where he decides he wants to tell me "his story." I've never had anyone on a date present themselves to me like that and I thought uh oh, here we go, this is where he confesses he is currently in Narcotics Anonymous and he has embraced the lord as his savior.
Not quite. But I was close.
Turns out he has 2 kids, ages 4 and 7. I had noticed on his profile that under the wants kids and has kids questions he hadn't answered so I was a BIT suspicious...especially since he listed himself as divorced. But whatever, it's about putting myself out there so I decided to give him a shot. I was having such a good time that I even halfway convinced myself maybe I could be ok with the kids.
I know, I know, pick your jaw off the floor.
Once I stepped away from the alcoholic beverages, despite our sweet goodnight kiss, I finally admitted to myself: NO. WAY. I do not even want my OWN children let alone someone else's. He is a very good man and will make someone very happy someday...just not me.
This is becoming a repeated theme throughout my online dating journey. Where the hell is my success story that will then be made into a nauseating commercial?!?!
Oh Crikey.....
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat,
LL
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
San Dieg-NO!
Within minutes of the marathon date ending I received a text from San Diego saying how much fun he had had and how he felt like he was in a movie because I was so awesome and he had so much fun.
I was too busy texting Crikey on my drive home to respond. Oops.
The next day I received an email saying pretty much the same thing. The ending line was, "I don't know where you came from, but I'm glad I found you." Ok hold the phone. Let's NOT join hands and start a love train. We've only spent one evening together. A long evening, no doubt, but an evening nonetheless.
Ahh...so THIS is how Crossfit felt.
I mustered up as much enthusiasm as I could and sent him a flirty, non-committal email back. Then I maintained radio silence for a few days.
Come Thursday he started texting me from Vegas, sending me pics of the house he was staying in, etc. He once again mentioned coming to see me on Sunday and I once again tried to come up with a response that wasn't too encouraging. Last I had heard from him was around 3pm on Saturday when he told me I was weirding him out because I said that I hated Vegas.
Sunday morning came and went and just as I was thinking to myself, "REALLY? Did I just get "dumped" over my dislike of Vegas?!" I got a call from a strange number. I do not answer numbers, so I let it go to voicemail. Sure enough, it was him.
I called him back on the strange number and got the story: he had gotten so drunk the night before that he had blacked out and lost his phone. This is a perfectly laughable story for a guy aged 21 on his first trip to Vegas. But for a 38 year old man who should know better?! Come on. I mean, I even thought the guys in The Hangover were kind of pathetic. Now here this guy is living it. Not impressed.
He asked if he could come see me and against my better judgement, I said yes. I gave him directions to my house and we hung up. After about 5 minutes of thinking to myself I realized I was so NOT kosher with this strange guy I hardly know spending the night at my apartment.
Look at that, skip the Sunday morning mimosa and suddenly I've got standards.
I called him back and told him as much and he said that was cool, he'd just stay at a friend's and we could go to dinner and a movie. I felt much better about this so I said great. It was 11:30am by this time and he said he'd leave at noon. I said I'd see him in 4 or 5 hours.
5pm came...
6pm came....
7pm came........at this point I was asking my roommate if it was acceptable for me to get in my pajamas and start eating macaroni and cheese because clearly this guy was NOT going to show up. She told me to give him til 8pm.
8pm came. San Diego did not. Pass the pajamas.
The roomie and I were watching the Grammys stuffing our faces when suddenly there's a knock on the door. We looked at each other in horror. No WAY this fool would show up 5 HOURS LATE, especially after I had just told him 9 hours prior that I was not comfortable with him sleeping at my place.
Oh but he did. He blamed traffic and told me some sob story about how he couldn't give up on coming to see me, despite how bad it was. Gross. Not wanting to encourage his staying any longer than he had to I quickly handed him a parking pass so that the tow nazis that troll our streets didn't tow his car off, effectively stranding him at my place.
He came back in with his clothes and toothbrush. Um, I'm sorry, what part of "I'm not comfortable with you staying here" did you not understand? I was so disgusted with him I couldn't even bring myself to touch him, let alone make out with him. We made awkward conversation for about an hour and then it was bedtime.
Any subtlety was abandoned. I grabbed a blanket, handed it to him, and gave a pointed glance at the couch. Thankfully, he understood what I was implying. I told him it'd probably be easiest if he left in the morning when I left for spin class since my roommate and I both needed to get ready for work and there was only one bathroom. Then, to stick the knife in and twist it some more, when he asked where the dogs slept, I told him, "Oh they sleep in the bed with me."
You got it dude? The dogs get to snuggle up with me in bed. You get to snuggle up with your hangover on the couch.
I wonder if he'll call me again....
The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog,
LL
I was too busy texting Crikey on my drive home to respond. Oops.
The next day I received an email saying pretty much the same thing. The ending line was, "I don't know where you came from, but I'm glad I found you." Ok hold the phone. Let's NOT join hands and start a love train. We've only spent one evening together. A long evening, no doubt, but an evening nonetheless.
Ahh...so THIS is how Crossfit felt.
I mustered up as much enthusiasm as I could and sent him a flirty, non-committal email back. Then I maintained radio silence for a few days.
Come Thursday he started texting me from Vegas, sending me pics of the house he was staying in, etc. He once again mentioned coming to see me on Sunday and I once again tried to come up with a response that wasn't too encouraging. Last I had heard from him was around 3pm on Saturday when he told me I was weirding him out because I said that I hated Vegas.
Sunday morning came and went and just as I was thinking to myself, "REALLY? Did I just get "dumped" over my dislike of Vegas?!" I got a call from a strange number. I do not answer numbers, so I let it go to voicemail. Sure enough, it was him.
I called him back on the strange number and got the story: he had gotten so drunk the night before that he had blacked out and lost his phone. This is a perfectly laughable story for a guy aged 21 on his first trip to Vegas. But for a 38 year old man who should know better?! Come on. I mean, I even thought the guys in The Hangover were kind of pathetic. Now here this guy is living it. Not impressed.
He asked if he could come see me and against my better judgement, I said yes. I gave him directions to my house and we hung up. After about 5 minutes of thinking to myself I realized I was so NOT kosher with this strange guy I hardly know spending the night at my apartment.
Look at that, skip the Sunday morning mimosa and suddenly I've got standards.
I called him back and told him as much and he said that was cool, he'd just stay at a friend's and we could go to dinner and a movie. I felt much better about this so I said great. It was 11:30am by this time and he said he'd leave at noon. I said I'd see him in 4 or 5 hours.
5pm came...
6pm came....
7pm came........at this point I was asking my roommate if it was acceptable for me to get in my pajamas and start eating macaroni and cheese because clearly this guy was NOT going to show up. She told me to give him til 8pm.
8pm came. San Diego did not. Pass the pajamas.
The roomie and I were watching the Grammys stuffing our faces when suddenly there's a knock on the door. We looked at each other in horror. No WAY this fool would show up 5 HOURS LATE, especially after I had just told him 9 hours prior that I was not comfortable with him sleeping at my place.
Oh but he did. He blamed traffic and told me some sob story about how he couldn't give up on coming to see me, despite how bad it was. Gross. Not wanting to encourage his staying any longer than he had to I quickly handed him a parking pass so that the tow nazis that troll our streets didn't tow his car off, effectively stranding him at my place.
He came back in with his clothes and toothbrush. Um, I'm sorry, what part of "I'm not comfortable with you staying here" did you not understand? I was so disgusted with him I couldn't even bring myself to touch him, let alone make out with him. We made awkward conversation for about an hour and then it was bedtime.
Any subtlety was abandoned. I grabbed a blanket, handed it to him, and gave a pointed glance at the couch. Thankfully, he understood what I was implying. I told him it'd probably be easiest if he left in the morning when I left for spin class since my roommate and I both needed to get ready for work and there was only one bathroom. Then, to stick the knife in and twist it some more, when he asked where the dogs slept, I told him, "Oh they sleep in the bed with me."
You got it dude? The dogs get to snuggle up with me in bed. You get to snuggle up with your hangover on the couch.
I wonder if he'll call me again....
The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog,
LL
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