Rock, meet Hard Place.

So, after days of radio silence from The Aficionado, I had received his message loud and clear: he just wasn't that into me.  I was a little bummed, sure, but at least I still had my pride.  That is, til I remembered he had a pair of my shoes.  Kenneth Cole shoes to be exact, and those suckers weren't cheap.  I had no choice but to shoot him a quick email:

Hi Aficionado,
I'm getting the feeling you aren't feeling it anymore.  I understand, this is how these online dating things often go, though I wish you would've just said something instead of disappearing.    I was enjoying getting to know you and wish you all the best.  One last thing, I need my gold shoes back, do you mind if I come pick them up sometime?


Thanks!
LL

He responded immediately:

Hey there,


Actually it isn't that I am not/was not feeling it.  I have been going through some pretty stressful stuff.  I totally like you and think you're an AWESOME person and I have the utmost respect for you.  


The only challenge I saw was your career path, which I totally respect and want you to be a super success, and you also have pets which would make it a challenge to see each other.  I want to travel and enjoy life and see the world while I can.  That would be challenging for you, though I know you would like to.


I'd love to have a friendship with you.  Regardless of whether romance could/would happen, I can see us being great friends to each other.


Well.  THAT'S a first.  I have a rather intense job and I know that that has been intimidating for some men.  But guys like Aficionado, who have incomes well into the 7 figures, usually aren't that type.  They're so wary of a woman wanting them for their money they usually are refreshed by someone like me who's not a struggling actress.  This is the first time my career has ever worked AGAINST me.

I honestly don't want to work at what I do now forever.  It's why a man's financial security is very important to me.  I still don't know if I want kids but if I do, I would want to have the freedom to be able to work part time and stay home with the kids.  But when am I supposed to disclose that?!  If I say it too soon, I'll scare the man off, but if I say it too late, maybe he'll be totally unsure of how he feels about me because he fell in love with this intense career woman.  What's a girl to do?!?!

I know, I know, the obvious answer is that he's not the right guy for me, and I get that.  But it IS making me think about how I come across to men.  I know I give off the vibe that I don't need anyone and I'm completely self sufficient.  I DO come across as a strong career woman.  It is a defense mechanism because I'm terrified of being vulnerable and getting hurt.  But I've been this way for years and clearly, it's not working for me.

How do I find balance?

Take your work seriously, but never yourself,
LL