Too sexy for my love?

Amen sister.

This past week I had date 2 with Funions.  I was looking forward to the evening because he had been consistently texting me every day, called me in advance to make plans, and came to my side of town instead of making me haul ass to him after a long workday.  A trifecta of nice.

We had a lovely and long dinner filled with good food and good Funions.  Lot of talk about relationships, but in a non scary way.  Told me some about his divorce, asked me what I'm looking for, and it's very clear that Funions wants a long time relationship, not a love 'em and leave 'em type girl.

But Funions may be a bit quick on the "love 'em" part and not in a good way.

After dinner we went back to my house "to watch TV" which is of course just a more socially acceptable way of saying "make out in a non-public place."  I welcomed this because I was into Funions.

So we're playing tonsil hockey on the couch for 10 minutes or so and Funions says, "maybe we should go to your room."  Again, this is not 1950, I'm a sexually liberated woman, and I'm ok with this, as long as there are some boundaries.  I say:

"OK, but as long as you understand that just because we are going upstairs it does not mean I am going to sleep with you."

He says yes, absolutely, he would never just expect that.  Though in hindsight I should've said to myself, "Self, of COURSE he's going to say that.  What, is he going to say 'Actually I think I DO want to get laid tonight so I'll probably just coerce you into sleeping with me once we get up there.'

Because that's exactly what he did.

Now, to be fair, I am not totally blaming him for this.  There were 2 people there and if I had really forcefully said "Keep those Funions in your pants," I'm sure he would've stopped.  But the back and forth, the wheedling, the pressure he was applying to get me to sleep with him  was so constant that I just gave in because it seemed the easier thing to do.

And it sucked.  The sex sucked, the talking afterwards sucked, and the way I felt the next day REALLY sucked.  I was mad at him but even more so at myself.  So why'd I do it?  I KNEW it was going to make me feel bad, I KNEW it would make me think less of him, and I KNEW it had the potential to ruin any budding relationship with him.

The answer is: I don't have the answer.  It's a bunch of factors playing with and against each other and it's something I have to figure out if not for this relationship than at least for the next one.  All I DO know is that I definitely don't want to feel this way again.  Not with him, or with anyone else.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place,
LL