The Actor

Actor & my emails have been quite amusing and sarcastic, it's clear this guy shares my sense of humor, which is a key trait for me. It ALMOST makes up for the fact that, as as I suspected, he is an actor.

But wait, he's not just any actor. I actually know this guy's career! He was the host of a show on HGTV that I used to love. As did my mother. So of course as soon as he tells me his name I email my mom squealing about who I'm going on a date with. Even if I had zero interest in the guy I'd have to go out with him just to let my mom live vicariously through my F-list celebrity dating stories.

This kind of puts the Actor at a double disadvantage right out of the gate: 1. my mom's a fan which doesn't exactly scream cool, and 2. he's my first date after falling madly in lust with Crikey. But I make my best effort to forget both of these facts and give the guy a fair shot.

We meet up at a pub-esque bar in Hollywood. Shockingly, I am the first to arrive. (this NEVER happens, I AM a woman after all) He calls me to find out where exactly it is and in a few minutes pulls up in front in his classic thunderbird. I guess this would qualify as impressive if I knew anything about cars, but alas, I don't. I hop in to go find parking with him and only after the rickety door shuts do I realize how stupid of an idea that was. He now has an all access pass to drive me to some remote ravine where he will rape and bury my body. Awesome.

Fortunately, life decides not to imitate a bad Lifetime movie and we simply find parking. An anticlimactic end to the scenarios I was running in my head, but one that I am grateful for. As we're getting out of the car he tells me I have a nice ass. I'm not sure how I feel about this because I DO work my butt off to keep it in good shape but really? I've known you ten minutes.

It's a bit weird being on a date with this guy I used to watch at least once a week on my tivo. When he says things I hear it in his "tv voice" instead of as just a dude. He looks exactly like he did on TV, though somehow on television he seemed taller than he actually is. Ah, Hollywood.

The bar is totally appropriate for his retro, laid back style, which is why I picked it. The food is DELICIOUS as is the beer selection. Though Actor decides it's funny to mock me when I order mozzarella balls. Really, what am I, 15?

The conversation is good and he actually asks me a lot of questions about myself which, if you know actors, can sometimes come as a surprise. He DOES seem to have a bit of angry actor syndrome because he has been on some successful shows and is currently struggling to find his next deal. This is one of those things I'll have to learn to live with if I ever want to have a relationship with this guy and it's why I don't date actors. I hear this stuff at work all day so to talk about it outside of the office can get a bit exhausting. Luckily, this is our first date and any decision of this nature is months, hell maybe years, away! (Hey. I'm a slow mover. What can I say?)

After a few hours and a few beers we're both ready to call it a night. I once again fold my very tall body into his very small car (another reason I don't get the appeal of classic cars) as he politely offers to drive me to where I had parked. The made for TV movie about my life and death momentarily flashes before me again but I'm pretty sure this guy is harmless.

When we get to my car he gets out to say goodbye. He is looking at the front end of my car which happens to be a bit dented and says he could easily fix it. Oh REALLY? I've been tired of driving around looking a bit busted but would rather spend my money on expensive jeans so I've done nothing about this. But if I could get a dude to do it for FREE?

Wait a second. What does he mean by free? Are we talking FREE or are we talking "in exchange for sexual favors so since no money is exchanged it's technically free" free? He's a man. I think I just answered my own question.

I kiss him goodnight, partly because I like him, partly because in my geeky mind it would be cool to make out with a TV personality I am a fan of, and partly because I've had 3 beers.

And scene,
LL