First off, just in case anyone was wondering: Gucci and I have exchanged some texts but there doesn't seem to be a 2nd date in our cards. Not that the handshake he gave me at the end of the date didn't indicate that...but just in case you were thinking, "What happened to that nice young fashionista?" Guess we're dead in the water. Oh well. Next!
While discussing Millionaire this week with various friends, aquaintances, and four legged beasts who can't talk back, I have come to the conclusion that I really haven't given this guy the ol' college try. I'm so busy being suspicious of him and all his money in his big house in the hills that I don't give myself a chance to be myself, or to get to know him. That being said, I decided to attack Millionaire dates with new vigor!
Friday night gave me the opportunity to do just that. He texted me around his usual time of 5pm and asked what I was doing that night. I am still on the fence about this: am I letting him get away with being last minute man because I like him, or does he really just get so lost in his work he forgets? Is this his social retardation at play or is he just not that into me? Things to ponder. Anyway, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and, given that I had planned an exciting evening of Halloween costume shopping for the dogs with my roommate, said I was free to hang out. (oh god...did I just admit, in print, that THAT was my Friday night plans?)
We didn't meet up til 9ish because he was STILL working. Yikes. After we chatted and caught up for awhile we went to look up Saw 28 (or whatever number they're on) and see what time it was playing. We ended up not finding anything at a convenient hour, so we decided to go to a comedy club instead.
We wandered into his room so I could chat with him while he got ready. He made a remark about what I was wearing (leggings, boots, and a loose blousy top) as the "look at my ass outfit" and I said nooo, actually this is the "I'm eating too much Halloween candy and not working out outfit." He seized the opportunity to check out my ass for himself and one thing led to another. Afterwards as I was walking to the shower he said, "Please don't say that you're fat. You're really not. You look great." Very sweet.
The comedy show ended up being sold out so we went for Thai food instead. We had a great talk over dinner where I felt like I was finally getting to know HIM a little bit. He told me more about his businesses, how he got into them, and how he hoped to expand them. We talked about things we like doing work wise and what we don't, what our goals on a grander scale were, those kinds of things. He even gave me some valuable job advice.
On the ride home we were talking about astrology, which he's really into. He was explaining fire (him) and earth (me) signs and what they mean and says that they explain why we get along so well. Oh, uh, we do? Cool. This was the closest to actually telling me he likes me that he's gotten. Next stop, facebook status updates! (Right now? It's complicated.)
One thing this whole experience with Millionaire is FINALLY forcing into my thick skull is that you can't change a person. You have no control over how another person behaves or reacts to you. I have spent so much time with men censoring myself and trying to be as perfect as possible and hoping that if I just love them enough that they'll love me back with the same intensity and for once, I finally realize how self defeating that is. Millionaire does some things that make me roll my eyes. He does things that make me think and intrigue me. So the question I have to ask myself is are the intriguing parts of him so attractive that they outweigh the minor annoyances? Could I see myself loving him for HIM, last minute dates, 2 word text messages, awkward seduction tactics, and all? And accepting that those things are a part of him that WILL NOT CHANGE no matter how much I love him? If the answer is no, then he's not the person for me. So, although we are moving at a pace that makes a snail look like he should be headed to the Olympic trials, for now, I think it's the right speed. It's not about settling, it's about finding a person you truly can love for both the good and the bad. And if that were easy, it wouldn't be so exciting and delicious.
But in the meantime, I'll enjoy all my "mistakes" while I can still make them!
The road to finding 'the one' is paved with a bit of promiscuity,
LL
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