Mommy Dearest

So, Millionaire is still in the picture. He sent me a cute text this week asking when he’d see me because he misses me. This causes me both to say “aw!” and roll my eyes at the same time. Walking contradiction, thy name is LL. How could you possibly “miss” me, dude? You hardly know me and 2 weeks ago you didn’t even know I existed and you were plodding along in your merry life just fine.

Wow. Can I overanalyze and ruin a sweet sentiment, or what?

Anyway, I cannot bring myself to tell Millionaire that I miss him because, much like Abe Lincoln, I cannot tell a lie. (or was that George Washington? Was that the point of the whole cherry tree incident?) The skeptic in me keeps me from gushing cheesy sentiments unless I really and truly mean them. Hallmark, take note. But regardless, I would like to see him again. Turns out his mom’s in town for a few days so I tell him to give me a call when she leaves. Great, sounds good, moving on.

Thursday he texted me asking what I was doing that night. I happen to be free and ask if he’d like to hang out. He says ok but his mom’s in town. Um…..all right….so why ask what I’m doing? (see? Socially retarded.) I say this in a more polite way and he says, I have an idea, why don’t you stop by the house and meet her?

The next thing I know I’m waking up on the floor of my office having apparently blacked out in shock. I’m sorry, WHAT? MEET your MOTHER? Have you lost your damn mind?

Yet somehow, later that night I find myself dressed in one of my more conservative sweaters, ringing his doorbell and panicking. His assistant answers the door and introduces herself to me (ok seriously, what dimension am I living in?) and I think great, baby steps. First his assistant and now….HIS MOTHER. ACK.

He doesn’t notice my nervousness and doesn’t appear to have any anxiety about the meeting that is about to occur. Lucky him. Maybe he’s more socially retarded than I thought and doesn’t realize that this is usually thought of as a significant event within a dating relationship and NEVER happens within 2 WEEKS OF MEETING SOMEONE!!!!

I remain calm as he tries to figure out what part of his monstrous house she’s in. We find her and the moment of truth arrives. I don’t remember much about the initial meeting but I know I managed to stay upright, to the relief of everyone I’m sure. I tower over his mom (thank god I wore flats) but she is a spitfire and soon we are making jokes about men and how they need to be trained. I like this lady! She is in amazing physical shape and she’s in her late 50’s but acts like she’s in her 30’s. We talk about dogs and she recommends an animal book she thinks I’ll like. 2 points to the parental unit!

It is also interesting to see Millionaire relax and let more of his true personality come out. He and I are still on our best behavior around each other so I don’t yet feel I’ve gotten a genuine sense of how he is on a day to day basis. But it seems that being around his mom made him more comfortable and I really like the person that I see. We talked with her for about an hour and then she left (she lives in San Diego, close enough to visit but far enough to not be TOO involved in his life….thank goodness).

WHEW. I survived. Seems that created a lot of tension that I was in need of relieving because I MAY'VE seduced him right after she left. Oh LL, you dirty dirty whore. Meet the mom, do the son, everyone goes home happy.

A man can sleep around no questions asked, but if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she's a tramp,
LL