Worst. First Date. Ever.

Today my friends, we have a harrowing dating tale from the opposite coast, which just proves that dating ANYWHERE is not easy. A friend of mine, we'll call her Hometown Hottie, decided to give the ol' online dating thing a try, which I strongly encouraged. We were discussing some of our internet dating shenanigans yesterday when she realized she had not told me about her worst date ever. Fortunately said date did not scar her for life and she is seeing a lovely gentleman right now, but that's a story for another day. Let's begin our tale of woe.

Hottie met a guy in her area who was originally from Boston. He's also an idiot. So I will nickname him Bean Dip. Bean Dip and Hottie exchanged a few emails and met for drinks and football. (Already Hottie is proving she's far too awesome for Bean Dip because she's a cool girl who "gets" football.) First meeting was a success and a 2nd date, including dinner, was planned.

Prior to said date Hottie, like any curious and responsible female, decided to Google Bean Dip to see if there were any discrepancies in what he told her vs. what the internet said. No red flags waved, so she was looking forward to the date.

They have a perfectly lovely dinner, they go dutch, and in Hottie's words, "...and then he offers to take me out for a drink because he's a gentleman.......FALSE."

Uh oh, here it comes.

They stay at the bar til last call, good sign, right? Bean Dip invites Hottie back to his place and Hottie says yes, but makes it very clear that she will be staying in the guest bedroom and not to get any ideas. (A little naive on Hottie's part? Sure. But she trusts people and assumes the best of them and I refuse to fault her for that.)

I'll let her tell you the rest:

"Well, we're playing WII and everything is fine until he asks me how much it'd take for me to pose for Playboy. I'm like, WTF dude? Why would you ask that? Is it a test?
We end up loudly debating (fighting) about this question and how it's unacceptable and I wouldn't do that.
I tell him he deserves to be slapped and he basically dares me, so I do.
Several times.
Apparently that turns on boys from Boston and he grabs my hand and puts it on his junk.
I then punch him in the balls and go to "my room" and lock the door."

And that, my friends, I think you'll agree, is the story of the worst first date ever.

Sensitive break up letters are my specialty. Dear Baby. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You,
LL