4 dogs, 5 dudes, and a Lucy

I just returned home from a big step in a budding relationship: the weekend away.

I had a very casual dinner with Funions on Valentine's Day, none of the pressure of the holiday BS, and he invited me to go skiing with him this weekend.  He and some buddies rent a house near one of the big resorts and he goes there almost every other weekend.  He had invited me before but I never took it seriously and plus, I had to be sure he wasn't a serial killer before I crossed county lines with him.

So, this weekend was our first big trip away.  Just me, Funions, my dogs, and....6 dudes.  How romantic.  Actually this didn't bother me in the slightest because I found it kind of exciting that Funions was ready to bring me around a group of his friends.  And it was still an incredibly romantic weekend.  Funions and I kind of split off from the group naturally because we are the same level of skiers and the rest of the guys are trying jumps off triple black polka dot purple diamond slopes.  No thanks.  But this separation from the group was Funions' doing, I never dropped hints that I wanted alone time with him or anything, and I really liked it.  It shows me he wanted me all to himself.  Throughout the weekend he kept telling me how happy he was to have me there next to him, how much he liked waking up with me in the morning, and how much he liked me.  It truly was a picture perfect weekend.

I never thought I'd say this but I agree w/Khloe.

That being said, I was a little unprepared for the rush of emotions I've experienced since I got home.  I always get post-vacation let down so I expected to be a little sad, but I'm happy, sad, excited, and scared all at once.  And those are just the emotions I feel ok putting down on paper, if you could see in my head you'd see I have about 37 others I'm wrestling with.

Why?

I really, really, really, really like Funions.  I hesitate to say love because I'm simply too pragmatic to believe I could love someone within 5 weeks of knowing them, but it's headed that way.  As I said in my last entry, this scares me.  And I'm now understanding how much.

It's been years since I have made myself vulnerable to someone.  Throughout all of this internet dating yes, I've had my major crushes, LOML, etc. but deep down I've always felt that each of these guys I've dated could never really be "something."  Maybe I even subconsciously was picking these guys precisely because I could sense this.

Wow, that's hard to admit.

But here I am now with a guy who really could BE something in my life.  This means I am putting my heart at risk of being broken.  Not 'broken' like by....sheesh.  I just looked back through this blog to find even one guy I got upset enough about to count as someone who 'broke' my heart and I can't say I've given enough of a shit about any of them.  So you understand my dilemma.

Funions is amazing.  I feel prettier, safer, happier, funnier, smarter, and just more content when I'm with him than I ever have by myself.  That's a great feeling to have, but a terrifying feeling when I think about it being taken away.  We are not exclusive yet and I don't think we will be for awhile.  That's fine and healthy, but also scary.

This is the feeling from someone I've been wanting to find.  It's what I've been searching for for the past three years of this online dating adventure. And when I think "What if he chooses someone else instead of me," it makes my eyes well up.

Yes, I'm that gone for this guy.

I'm scared out of my mind.  I feel sick to my stomach, can't sleep, one minute I can't stop smiling, the next I feel like sobbing.  It's a roller coaster of emotions.  (and no, I'm NOT pregnant, thankyouverymuch)  I know I have to go through it all and this is the exciting part of falling in love, but at the same time I feel like a basket case.

When you truly know the meaning of the word love, you will also know the meaning of the word pain,
LL

Funions, party of one.

This weekend I went on 2 dates: one with a guy I had previously dated, one with a new internet lovah.

The first guy, I'll call him Speedracer, and I met before the holidays, and had an amazing first date.  During the week between our first and second date he did all the right things: texted me daily, called me mid-week to reconfirm plans for the weekend, texted me the morning of our second date saying how excited he was for that night.  However towards the end of that fateful date we somehow got on the subject of seeing other people.  He asked if I was dating others and I said, "Well...uh...yeah, I mean, we only met a week ago."  Speedracer did not like this answer and said he was not interested in dating someone who was dating other people.  If I liked him I should just date him.  I said that wasn't really fair and he'd given me a lot to think about and thus, our evening ended quite awkwardly.  We made half hearted plans for another date the following week but when he never followed up, neither did I.

He popped up in my inbox again a few weeks ago and hey, he's a nice guy and I know he meant well even if he was trying to rush things so I agreed to go out with him again.  My heart wasn't really in it but I know he probably is one of the good ones even if he's not the right one for me.  We went to dinner, conversation was good, attraction was still there, all the elements of a good date.  Yet it kind of made me sad.  I like Speedracer but I really like Funions.  I couldn't wait to go to the bathroom to check my phone and see if Funions had texted me.  (He was out of town for the weekend)  When I saw that he had sent me a text saying he missed me I couldn't keep the smile off my face.  Uh oh.

Sunday I had a brunch date with a new guy, we'll call him Nurse Jackie.  (I love that show.)  He's studying to be a nurse anesthetist, is age appropriate, tall, and looked quite handsome in his photos.  We met at a VERY loud restaurant in Manhattan Beach and unfortunately it seemed that his photos were from 25 pounds ago and turns out he's not studying to be a nurse anesthetist, he simply wants to be one.  Fine, great, good to have goals but I got the sense that he's just kind of bumming around unemployed til he gets up the motivation to take the GRE.  That's a far cry from being on an actual track to achieve your goal.  Conversation was fine but there was ZERO chemistry.  

And to think, I could have this guy instead of Funions.

Part of the reason there was zero chemistry is definitely my fault.  I was not really making an effort because I didn't want there to be any chemistry.  I want Funions.  This is both exciting and scary.  I have been doing this internet dating thing on and off for 3 years and the number of guys I've met who I'd actually consider taking my profile down for I can count on one hand.  Funions is the first I want to take it down for AND looks like a real possibility that I'm headed in that direction.  It's what I want but it also means being vulnerable again, which is a really terrifying feeling.

But when I first started these online adventures in romance I was terrified of the first date with a strange person I didn't know, and now I could take 1st prize in a first date competition.  (I give REALLY good first date.)  And look how well that worked out?  I found a Funions.

As Kevin McCallister in Home Alone once said, "This is it.  Don't get scared now."

Lust fades, so you better be with someone who can stand you,

LL

Funions & Cheez Itz

I feel your pain, dude.

I did it.  I broke the cardinal rule of dating a new person/blogging about them:

I told Funions his nickname.

I don't think he really knew what to think at first but, (this was a few weeks ago) he has since grown accustomed to it.  Heck, he's even embraced it.  And we have also come up with one for me:

Cheez Itz.

Perfect, right?  Those who know me know that I am OBSESSED with Cheez Itz.  I would take those salty squares of cheesy goodness over any other snack food every day of the week.  My 5 coworkers and I once embarrassingly consumed 11 pounds of Cheez Itz in 5 days.  It really is a sickness.

But paired with Funions, it's perfect.  Our nicknames for each other even have a salty snack food theme!  He called me "little Cheezer" the other night when I was sick and he was worried about me.

(He was worried about me!!!)

I am fully embracing this cheesiness, pun intended.

Bachelors know more about women than married men.  If they didn't, they would be married too,
LL

That Bird is a LIAR!

Brian Fellows says it best.

You know the adage, "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is?"

Well, I'm starting to think that about Chupacabra.

First, he blew off our second date because he had to work.  OK fine, I get it, work is work, but TELL me.  Don't agree to plans after I text you and then just stop responding til after our date time has come and gone.

Second, he wanted to come over for "just a kiss" the other night and I said I had no parking in my neighborhood.  (Thank you, LA Parking Nazis.)  He said he would have to walk then and I said ok.  He had told me he lived in a ritzy apartment building which is 7 blocks from my house so I figured no big deal.  Well, then it came to light that he actually doesn't live there because his apartment is not ready, but he'll be moving there soon.  Right now he lives in Hollywood.  Nowhere near as nice.

Strike two.

Friday, he again said he wanted his kiss.   Before we had met he told me his office was in the city which is about 3 miles from my office.  I suggested we meet for lunch.  He said he was working from home that day and couldn't leave home because he's a stock guy so I would have to drive to Hollywood to see him.  No.

I suggested we get together this past weekend and he said that he was going to the Superbowl because his best friend plays for the Giants.  Could be true, said player IS from Africa, but really?  Gorgeous, rich, huge man parts, AND your best friend happens to be a top NFL player?  Methiks you doth per-fect too much.

And again today he is working from home.  I was home with the worst case of food poisoning I've ever had in my life and he DID say he could come and see me....but what kind of top financial firm lets their stock guys work from home so regularly?

Strikes 3, 4, and 5.

He's still holding on by the skin of his massive manly bits, but he's very close to being out.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
LL

Found: Funions

Probably not what she was looking for, but somehow it works.

Last we spoke about the man that is known as Funions I was a little on the fence about him.  Disappointed in his hyper sexuality, though lots of other things seemed great.

Since then there was another date, another talk about not moving so fast, and once again feeling forced into moving faster than I wanted to, despite the talk we had just had 20 minutes before and my own vow to not let it happen again.

I once again accept partial blame for this.

In the time between that date and Funions and my next date, I had those dates with Dr. House & Chupacabra lined up, so I figured Funions was on his way out.

But last week changed all that.

Funions invited me out with his friends on Wednesday night on my side of town.  Seemed low key and also it was mid week so I could tell him he couldn't spend the night without feeling so guilty.  Out we went.

When we got home he asked to come in and I made clear before he did that he was not spending the night.  He seemed ok with this.

Turns out he was MORE than ok with this because after some smooching on the couch HE brought up the fact that he had been pressuring me to do more than I felt comfortable doing and he apologized for that.  We had a talk about how I didn't feel listened to when he pushed his agenda and how I wanted to do things because I wanted to do them, not because I just got tired of fighting him.

I went to bed that night alone, and very happy, feeling much better about Funions.

I went to his house 2 days later to spend the night and he even invited me to bring my dog.  I love my dog more than Jack Nicholson loves the Lakers so it meant a lot to me that he suggested this without my subtly dropping hints.

We had the most lovely, chilled out, relaxing, wonderful time together.  I beat him to his house and he gave me his code to get in so when he arrived home I was waiting on the couch.  He told me he liked coming in to find me there, which of course gave me the warm fuzzies.

We went out to dinner, watched some TV, snuggled a lot, told each other how much we liked each other, and when we went to bed *I* was the one who initiated some lovin', not him.  The following morning we slept in, walked with the dog to brunch, took a long walk on the beach, and snuggled a lot more.

As we were walking back to his house from the beach I realized that it felt right.  This is what I have been looking for.  I feel completely comfortable with him, respected by him, have no questions about where I stand with him, and I trust him.  I love hanging out with him, he makes me laugh, he's interesting....

.....and he has a kid.  That last part I was definitely NOT looking for.  But I am realizing I can miss out on this great guy who could someday be a great husband and father (because I already know he's good at that) and deal with this new situation I never factored into my own fairytale, or I can say 'Thanks but no thanks,' and continue this exhaustive search for the perfect guy.

I'm choosing the former.

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty,
LL

(Note: Funions and I have had no talk of exclusivity so I do not yet need to change the title of this blog to Love in Los Angeles.  But I'm open to the idea, which is a big step towards that ultimate goal.)

Chupacabra

Here he is: the online dating grand prize.  The Mecca of internet love.

He looks like this....only prettier.

The Chupacabra.  (I was going to put a picture of said animal with this post but holy crap have you SEEN how ugly these things are?!  They could scare the pants off of Lady Gaga, a notorious non-pants wearing gal.)

I tried out this nifty "Tell me which profile pic is prettiest" contraption over at OKCupid (you can try it here ) which lets OKCupid users rate your photos and tell you which one will get you the most attention on your online dating profile.  But it also apparently creates an OKC profile for you, which was unbeknownst to me til I logged in to the email I had signed up with and there were some messages in my inbox.

One such message was from one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen in my life, let alone online dating: 6'5, african american, model turned investment banker, and into ME?  Now you can see why I call him Chupacabra.

His email was a bit stunted in wording and I thought oh this fool just hits on every girl in the joint and is used to them all falling at his feet.  Well, homegirl don't play THAT game, so I ignored all the "you're so beautiful" comments he peppered his message with and asked how his Sunday was and if he was watching the football game, blah blah blah.  He responded almost immediately answering my questions and asking when he could see me.  Again, I assumed he was a major player so I said I was busy all week but maybe next weekend we could meet.  Fine, good.

Later in the week I signed on to OKC and apparently I also had my chat function on because he IM'ed me immediately.  We chatted, turns out he's from African but has lived in the States for 13 years (hence the odd cadence of his email) and he had just moved to LA from NYC. 

This caused me to groan because I HATE catching newbies when they first get here.  I'm a firm believer that it takes a year to get all the LA bullshit out of your system.  This town is like Disneyland for adults: around every corner there is a bigger, better, party and bigger boobed, more beautiful woman, so men don't have to grow up.  This made me even LESS excited about Chupacabra and I probably would've canceled the damn date if he wasn't SO gorgeous.  And tall.

We continued chatting, he begged me to let him call me, I said no I'm going to bed, but I gave him my cell right before I signed off.  He texted me immediately and the next day we texted all day.  He told me he was crazy about me, and laid it on really thick.  I told him to knock it off and that he was being ridiculous because he didn't even know me.  He said there are cultural differences between us and his culture is much more open to meeting someone and being with them immediately.  Well congrats, my foreign friend, but that ain't my game.  But still, I DID find his eagerness somewhat endearing.

So endearing in fact that that night I randomly texted him to see if he wanted to meet up.  He had been begging me earlier to meet up with him before our scheduled Sunday date but I had held firm that no, that would not be happening.  But after a boring Thursday night date (more on that later) that had me itching to go have fun, I texted him and we agreed to meet.

I could not prepare myself for what walked through the door when he arrived.

One of THE most beautiful men I have ever seen IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.  I know I said this before but I didn't really BELIEVE he'd be that pretty.  And so NICE.  And smelled so GOOD.  And admitted that *I* made *him* nervous because I was so beautiful.

WHAT TWILIGHT ZONE HAVE I STUMBLED INTO?!?!?!  Where's the candid camera?!?!?

He was sweet, he was funny, he's ambitious, he has a great job, he's buying a house, he has an adorable accent....I mean seriously, there is nothing wrong with the guy.

Later, when we were making out in his car I also discovered he has a GINORMOUS penis.  Yes, I may've innocently grazed against it during our makeout session.

I.  am.  doomed.

People go to casinos for the same reasons they go on blind dates: hoping to hit the jackpot.  But mostly you just wind up broke, or alone in a bar,
LL