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| He looks like this....only prettier. |
The Chupacabra. (I was going to put a picture of said animal with this post but holy crap have you SEEN how ugly these things are?! They could scare the pants off of Lady Gaga, a notorious non-pants wearing gal.)
I tried out this nifty "Tell me which profile pic is prettiest" contraption over at OKCupid (you can try it here ) which lets OKCupid users rate your photos and tell you which one will get you the most attention on your online dating profile. But it also apparently creates an OKC profile for you, which was unbeknownst to me til I logged in to the email I had signed up with and there were some messages in my inbox.
One such message was from one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen in my life, let alone online dating: 6'5, african american, model turned investment banker, and into ME? Now you can see why I call him Chupacabra.
His email was a bit stunted in wording and I thought oh this fool just hits on every girl in the joint and is used to them all falling at his feet. Well, homegirl don't play THAT game, so I ignored all the "you're so beautiful" comments he peppered his message with and asked how his Sunday was and if he was watching the football game, blah blah blah. He responded almost immediately answering my questions and asking when he could see me. Again, I assumed he was a major player so I said I was busy all week but maybe next weekend we could meet. Fine, good.
Later in the week I signed on to OKC and apparently I also had my chat function on because he IM'ed me immediately. We chatted, turns out he's from African but has lived in the States for 13 years (hence the odd cadence of his email) and he had just moved to LA from NYC.
This caused me to groan because I HATE catching newbies when they first get here. I'm a firm believer that it takes a year to get all the LA bullshit out of your system. This town is like Disneyland for adults: around every corner there is a bigger, better, party and bigger boobed, more beautiful woman, so men don't have to grow up. This made me even LESS excited about Chupacabra and I probably would've canceled the damn date if he wasn't SO gorgeous. And tall.
We continued chatting, he begged me to let him call me, I said no I'm going to bed, but I gave him my cell right before I signed off. He texted me immediately and the next day we texted all day. He told me he was crazy about me, and laid it on really thick. I told him to knock it off and that he was being ridiculous because he didn't even know me. He said there are cultural differences between us and his culture is much more open to meeting someone and being with them immediately. Well congrats, my foreign friend, but that ain't my game. But still, I DID find his eagerness somewhat endearing.
So endearing in fact that that night I randomly texted him to see if he wanted to meet up. He had been begging me earlier to meet up with him before our scheduled Sunday date but I had held firm that no, that would not be happening. But after a boring Thursday night date (more on that later) that had me itching to go have fun, I texted him and we agreed to meet.
I could not prepare myself for what walked through the door when he arrived.
One of THE most beautiful men I have ever seen IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I know I said this before but I didn't really BELIEVE he'd be that pretty. And so NICE. And smelled so GOOD. And admitted that *I* made *him* nervous because I was so beautiful.
WHAT TWILIGHT ZONE HAVE I STUMBLED INTO?!?!?! Where's the candid camera?!?!?
He was sweet, he was funny, he's ambitious, he has a great job, he's buying a house, he has an adorable accent....I mean seriously, there is nothing wrong with the guy.
Later, when we were making out in his car I also discovered he has a GINORMOUS penis. Yes, I may've innocently grazed against it during our makeout session.
I. am. doomed.
People go to casinos for the same reasons they go on blind dates: hoping to hit the jackpot. But mostly you just wind up broke, or alone in a bar,
LL
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