Since Crossfit told me I was coming on too strong and he wasn't feeling it "that way" we've actually been friends. And I've enjoyed it. To a point. Since I no longer care what he thinks of me I am free to be brutally honest with him, tell him when he's annoying me, and get a straight man's perspective on things from time to time. He, in turn, has come to me for some of the same things. It's how a friendship works, right?
But lately he has been constantly making sexual comments to me. At first it was just complimentary guy friend comments about how I'm hot and what have you. I was flattered and laughed them off, figuring he was just being a nice guy. Then suddenly everything I said was grounds for him to make some obnoxious sexual comment:
Me: "Wow this rain really sucks."
Him: "Yeah it does, maybe if I gave you a massage you'd feel better."
Um, EW.
When his comments started getting gross and inappropriate, I'll admit, maybe I wasn't as firm with him as I should've been. But after the 15th time in 5 minutes I said that we are F-R-I-E-N-D-S and that's it. Period. End of gchat discussion since this is the only way we have communicated since he decided he didn't want to date me.
Apparently my spelling it out did not make it clear to him that I had zero intention of ever getting naked with him again in this lifetime. The other day he asked me to hang out and, already exhausted from fighting off his sexual advances I told him that I did not want to hang out with him because I did not trust him to just HANG OUT. He was shocked by my response and couldn't believe I didn't trust him since I'm one of his "closest friends."
I point blank asked him how he could call me one of his closest friends when all he ever wanted to talk to me about was sex.
His response? "Well you've always known I want to have sex with you again so why don't we just get it over with and then we can move on?"
I'm sorry, WHAT?!?! Seriously dude, you've been unemployed so long your brain has turned to mush and your synapses are clearly misfiring because how you even think that is a POSSIBILITY is beyond me. Again, I said as much.
And his response is what made me thank God, Buddha, Xenu and any other higher powers that may or may not exist that I never got into a relationship with this moron.
He said that if I never had any intention of sleeping with him again I shouldn't have ever brought it up. I pointed out that *I* never *did* bring it up, HE always did but I didn't just tell him to shut up every time he said something to that effect. OK, my mistake, I was trying to just ignore the inappropriate-ness and change the subject. Fine. Lesson learned. But then he had the audacity to say THIS:
"I don't like people to be wishy-washy when they are talking about something I want. That's a very mean thing to do to me. Imagine a mom driving her kid by Disneyland a bunch of times and then telling him he's not allowed to go inside. That's like what you are doing to me."
At this point I had to step away from the computer because my head exploded and I needed to clean up the mess it made.
I mean REALLY?!?!?!?! How STUPID can one human being BE?!?!?! The frightening thing is that he believes this is a perfectly legit and justified statement he just made.
I thought my man Muscles made the stupidest move I've ever seen a guy make when he tried to sell me his U2 tickets after he dropped me like a bad habit, but I think Crossfit just one upped him.
Only sleep with someone you love or can say you love without smirking,
LL
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Smitten Kitten
Unfortunately for me, the Italian Stallion had the exact opposite affect on me that I intended him to. Instead of making me less nutso about Crikey his whole "kids confession" only made me even more convinced that Crikey is awesome and that I am fully "in like" with him. Dammit.
Crikey finally returned from Germany and called me shortly after he got back. He left me a very cute voicemail that I then saved and refuse to admit how many times I've listened to. Bottom line: he wanted to see me again and, more importantly, he wanted to kiss me again. YES.
We made plans for Saturday night and my heart was all aflutter in anticipation of seeing him. Up til now all I've had to tide me over was paparazzi photos of him and "his" celebrity. And let me tell you, nothing tests my newfound self esteem like the countless pictures of him hanging out with a woman that beautiful on a regular basis.
He had to work for said gorgeous gal on Saturday so he said he would call me around 7pm when he was off. 7pm came and went and I had a mild panic attack as I realized how similar in behavior this was to San DiegNO. Not wanting to feel like Baby and be put in a corner again, I texted him around 7:30.
He finally called at 8:15, apologizing and explaining that his employers decided to go to dinner at the last minute so he had had to hang around. OK cool, I get it, work is important, but while you were sitting at the sushi bar watching them you couldn't have taken 3 seconds to text me this? Minus one point for the ex-pat. He could tell I was annoyed so he said he would go home and change and come get me. He laid it on extra thick telling me how much he couldn't wait to see me. Yeah, I'll believe it when I actually see you in person more than once a year my friend.
Sure enough, he called me back 20 minutes later once he had gotten home. He started the conversation with, "OK, now you're going to be pissed," so I was already on the defensive. We've been having a lot of rain here in El Ay and his apartment had flooded. Not THAT big of a deal but something he needed to deal with immediately because on Tuesday he was leaving again, this time for South Africa. To his credit, he took it well when I laid into him a bit and he promised to make it up to me the following day.
Humph. As my friend I was reporting all of the happenings to, and who so kindly offered to take me out and get me drunk when I first hadn't heard from Crikey, so perfectly said, "He better be buying us diamonds if he wants us to forgive him for this!"
I'd settle for bottomless mimosas the following day at brunch, which he agreed to.
The next morning, once again, I was ready to go and didn't hear from him, til finally I texted him, "Ahem. Did someone drown in their apartment? I'm hungry." He called immediately and said he was coming to get me. Damn right you are!
Once I saw him, all anger went out the window. He was hotter than I remembered and those EYES. I think we were both a bit nervous. *I* definitely was. What if the first time we met was a fluke and he was as exciting as a box of rocks? What if we couldn't carry on a conversation with just the two of us and no alcoholic beverages present?
I needn't have worried. Conversation flowed easily, we kept up with each other's sense of humor, and though he was not affectionate with me at first, by the end of the brunch we were very touchy feely. As we were driving home he was holding my hand, driving, and dealing with some security issues (work ones, not his confidence leve). Every time the phone rang he would apologize and move his hand to my leg, rubbing my neck, something so that he was still touching me. H-O-T.
We got back to my place and he came in. I made a show of showing him pictures of my family which were, "conincidentally", in my room. He, being the intelligent man he is, didn't let the opportunity pass him by and he kissed me.
It's electric, boogie woogie woogie!
We continued making out and chatting and talking about things we would do together when he got back from South Africa. He asked if I liked massages, I said depends on who's giving them, why? And he said he was thinking when he got back maybe we could go for a weekend away and get a massage together while we're at it.
!!!!!!!!!!
This was Superbowl Sunday (I know, I'm a little slow on the update) and we both had parties to go to so soon after we had to break it up. I was on cloud nine for the rest of the afternoon and we were texting throughout the game. Even my friend who was demanding diamonds decided to forgive him.
How many days til he's back?
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell,
LL
Crikey finally returned from Germany and called me shortly after he got back. He left me a very cute voicemail that I then saved and refuse to admit how many times I've listened to. Bottom line: he wanted to see me again and, more importantly, he wanted to kiss me again. YES.
We made plans for Saturday night and my heart was all aflutter in anticipation of seeing him. Up til now all I've had to tide me over was paparazzi photos of him and "his" celebrity. And let me tell you, nothing tests my newfound self esteem like the countless pictures of him hanging out with a woman that beautiful on a regular basis.
He had to work for said gorgeous gal on Saturday so he said he would call me around 7pm when he was off. 7pm came and went and I had a mild panic attack as I realized how similar in behavior this was to San DiegNO. Not wanting to feel like Baby and be put in a corner again, I texted him around 7:30.
He finally called at 8:15, apologizing and explaining that his employers decided to go to dinner at the last minute so he had had to hang around. OK cool, I get it, work is important, but while you were sitting at the sushi bar watching them you couldn't have taken 3 seconds to text me this? Minus one point for the ex-pat. He could tell I was annoyed so he said he would go home and change and come get me. He laid it on extra thick telling me how much he couldn't wait to see me. Yeah, I'll believe it when I actually see you in person more than once a year my friend.
Sure enough, he called me back 20 minutes later once he had gotten home. He started the conversation with, "OK, now you're going to be pissed," so I was already on the defensive. We've been having a lot of rain here in El Ay and his apartment had flooded. Not THAT big of a deal but something he needed to deal with immediately because on Tuesday he was leaving again, this time for South Africa. To his credit, he took it well when I laid into him a bit and he promised to make it up to me the following day.
Humph. As my friend I was reporting all of the happenings to, and who so kindly offered to take me out and get me drunk when I first hadn't heard from Crikey, so perfectly said, "He better be buying us diamonds if he wants us to forgive him for this!"
I'd settle for bottomless mimosas the following day at brunch, which he agreed to.
The next morning, once again, I was ready to go and didn't hear from him, til finally I texted him, "Ahem. Did someone drown in their apartment? I'm hungry." He called immediately and said he was coming to get me. Damn right you are!
Once I saw him, all anger went out the window. He was hotter than I remembered and those EYES. I think we were both a bit nervous. *I* definitely was. What if the first time we met was a fluke and he was as exciting as a box of rocks? What if we couldn't carry on a conversation with just the two of us and no alcoholic beverages present?
I needn't have worried. Conversation flowed easily, we kept up with each other's sense of humor, and though he was not affectionate with me at first, by the end of the brunch we were very touchy feely. As we were driving home he was holding my hand, driving, and dealing with some security issues (work ones, not his confidence leve). Every time the phone rang he would apologize and move his hand to my leg, rubbing my neck, something so that he was still touching me. H-O-T.
We got back to my place and he came in. I made a show of showing him pictures of my family which were, "conincidentally", in my room. He, being the intelligent man he is, didn't let the opportunity pass him by and he kissed me.
It's electric, boogie woogie woogie!
We continued making out and chatting and talking about things we would do together when he got back from South Africa. He asked if I liked massages, I said depends on who's giving them, why? And he said he was thinking when he got back maybe we could go for a weekend away and get a massage together while we're at it.
!!!!!!!!!!
This was Superbowl Sunday (I know, I'm a little slow on the update) and we both had parties to go to so soon after we had to break it up. I was on cloud nine for the rest of the afternoon and we were texting throughout the game. Even my friend who was demanding diamonds decided to forgive him.
How many days til he's back?
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell,
LL
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The Italian Stallion
After the San Diego debacle, I hightailed it back to Match. Crikey still wouldn't be home for another week at least and who knows if he would return to his flakey ways that had plagued him for the past 3 months we'd been talking?
So, onward!
Fortunately, there was some great new "talent" to be seen. One in particular was The Italian Stallion: 39, 6'3, tall, dark, handsome, athletic, and with a job in medical sales. (cha-ching!) I figured he was way too hot for me but let's remember, I thought that about San Diego too and look what a trainwreck he turned out to be. So I winked.
Two days later I received a friendly email from him saying he liked my profile and we should chat more. I sent him one back and a few hours later he replied. I like it when a guy is direct and doesn't decide he needs to wait 2 days to reply. In his 2nd email he asked for my number. Again, because I like directness, (and because he didn't seem like the serial killer type) I was happy to give it to him.
He texted me the next day. Some may say ew, what a cop out, but I am a huge fan of texting. I'm on the phone all day for work so I avoid it like the plague outside of the office. We spent the rest of the day chatting via text. He was witty, asked me questions about myself, and even sent me some flirtatious texts in Italian! Sold, to the lady who's a tramp!
The following day, he called me. I know I just said I hate the phone but I do think it is a necessary evil in the world of online dating. I'd rather chat on the phone and see how our rapport flows rather than meet in person and find out that in reality he has trouble forming complete sentences. We ended up talking for 45 minutes which is a record for me. I was pleasantly surprised.
We agreed to meet for a drink 2 days later. He had a business dinner that night so it was a later night meeting which was fine with me because it meant I had a built in "out." He picked a nice place halfway between us and we met around 10pm.
He was as tall as he claimed to be in his profile, and just as buff. Score 2 points for the man in the suit. Yes, he was wearing a suit and he looked dashing, even if it was his work clothes. We talked, we laughed, we held hands and sang kumbaya.
I kid, I kid.
Which brings me to the point in the date where he decides he wants to tell me "his story." I've never had anyone on a date present themselves to me like that and I thought uh oh, here we go, this is where he confesses he is currently in Narcotics Anonymous and he has embraced the lord as his savior.
Not quite. But I was close.
Turns out he has 2 kids, ages 4 and 7. I had noticed on his profile that under the wants kids and has kids questions he hadn't answered so I was a BIT suspicious...especially since he listed himself as divorced. But whatever, it's about putting myself out there so I decided to give him a shot. I was having such a good time that I even halfway convinced myself maybe I could be ok with the kids.
I know, I know, pick your jaw off the floor.
Once I stepped away from the alcoholic beverages, despite our sweet goodnight kiss, I finally admitted to myself: NO. WAY. I do not even want my OWN children let alone someone else's. He is a very good man and will make someone very happy someday...just not me.
This is becoming a repeated theme throughout my online dating journey. Where the hell is my success story that will then be made into a nauseating commercial?!?!
Oh Crikey.....
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat,
LL
So, onward!
Fortunately, there was some great new "talent" to be seen. One in particular was The Italian Stallion: 39, 6'3, tall, dark, handsome, athletic, and with a job in medical sales. (cha-ching!) I figured he was way too hot for me but let's remember, I thought that about San Diego too and look what a trainwreck he turned out to be. So I winked.
Two days later I received a friendly email from him saying he liked my profile and we should chat more. I sent him one back and a few hours later he replied. I like it when a guy is direct and doesn't decide he needs to wait 2 days to reply. In his 2nd email he asked for my number. Again, because I like directness, (and because he didn't seem like the serial killer type) I was happy to give it to him.
He texted me the next day. Some may say ew, what a cop out, but I am a huge fan of texting. I'm on the phone all day for work so I avoid it like the plague outside of the office. We spent the rest of the day chatting via text. He was witty, asked me questions about myself, and even sent me some flirtatious texts in Italian! Sold, to the lady who's a tramp!
The following day, he called me. I know I just said I hate the phone but I do think it is a necessary evil in the world of online dating. I'd rather chat on the phone and see how our rapport flows rather than meet in person and find out that in reality he has trouble forming complete sentences. We ended up talking for 45 minutes which is a record for me. I was pleasantly surprised.
We agreed to meet for a drink 2 days later. He had a business dinner that night so it was a later night meeting which was fine with me because it meant I had a built in "out." He picked a nice place halfway between us and we met around 10pm.
He was as tall as he claimed to be in his profile, and just as buff. Score 2 points for the man in the suit. Yes, he was wearing a suit and he looked dashing, even if it was his work clothes. We talked, we laughed, we held hands and sang kumbaya.
I kid, I kid.
Which brings me to the point in the date where he decides he wants to tell me "his story." I've never had anyone on a date present themselves to me like that and I thought uh oh, here we go, this is where he confesses he is currently in Narcotics Anonymous and he has embraced the lord as his savior.
Not quite. But I was close.
Turns out he has 2 kids, ages 4 and 7. I had noticed on his profile that under the wants kids and has kids questions he hadn't answered so I was a BIT suspicious...especially since he listed himself as divorced. But whatever, it's about putting myself out there so I decided to give him a shot. I was having such a good time that I even halfway convinced myself maybe I could be ok with the kids.
I know, I know, pick your jaw off the floor.
Once I stepped away from the alcoholic beverages, despite our sweet goodnight kiss, I finally admitted to myself: NO. WAY. I do not even want my OWN children let alone someone else's. He is a very good man and will make someone very happy someday...just not me.
This is becoming a repeated theme throughout my online dating journey. Where the hell is my success story that will then be made into a nauseating commercial?!?!
Oh Crikey.....
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat,
LL
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
San Dieg-NO!
Within minutes of the marathon date ending I received a text from San Diego saying how much fun he had had and how he felt like he was in a movie because I was so awesome and he had so much fun.
I was too busy texting Crikey on my drive home to respond. Oops.
The next day I received an email saying pretty much the same thing. The ending line was, "I don't know where you came from, but I'm glad I found you." Ok hold the phone. Let's NOT join hands and start a love train. We've only spent one evening together. A long evening, no doubt, but an evening nonetheless.
Ahh...so THIS is how Crossfit felt.
I mustered up as much enthusiasm as I could and sent him a flirty, non-committal email back. Then I maintained radio silence for a few days.
Come Thursday he started texting me from Vegas, sending me pics of the house he was staying in, etc. He once again mentioned coming to see me on Sunday and I once again tried to come up with a response that wasn't too encouraging. Last I had heard from him was around 3pm on Saturday when he told me I was weirding him out because I said that I hated Vegas.
Sunday morning came and went and just as I was thinking to myself, "REALLY? Did I just get "dumped" over my dislike of Vegas?!" I got a call from a strange number. I do not answer numbers, so I let it go to voicemail. Sure enough, it was him.
I called him back on the strange number and got the story: he had gotten so drunk the night before that he had blacked out and lost his phone. This is a perfectly laughable story for a guy aged 21 on his first trip to Vegas. But for a 38 year old man who should know better?! Come on. I mean, I even thought the guys in The Hangover were kind of pathetic. Now here this guy is living it. Not impressed.
He asked if he could come see me and against my better judgement, I said yes. I gave him directions to my house and we hung up. After about 5 minutes of thinking to myself I realized I was so NOT kosher with this strange guy I hardly know spending the night at my apartment.
Look at that, skip the Sunday morning mimosa and suddenly I've got standards.
I called him back and told him as much and he said that was cool, he'd just stay at a friend's and we could go to dinner and a movie. I felt much better about this so I said great. It was 11:30am by this time and he said he'd leave at noon. I said I'd see him in 4 or 5 hours.
5pm came...
6pm came....
7pm came........at this point I was asking my roommate if it was acceptable for me to get in my pajamas and start eating macaroni and cheese because clearly this guy was NOT going to show up. She told me to give him til 8pm.
8pm came. San Diego did not. Pass the pajamas.
The roomie and I were watching the Grammys stuffing our faces when suddenly there's a knock on the door. We looked at each other in horror. No WAY this fool would show up 5 HOURS LATE, especially after I had just told him 9 hours prior that I was not comfortable with him sleeping at my place.
Oh but he did. He blamed traffic and told me some sob story about how he couldn't give up on coming to see me, despite how bad it was. Gross. Not wanting to encourage his staying any longer than he had to I quickly handed him a parking pass so that the tow nazis that troll our streets didn't tow his car off, effectively stranding him at my place.
He came back in with his clothes and toothbrush. Um, I'm sorry, what part of "I'm not comfortable with you staying here" did you not understand? I was so disgusted with him I couldn't even bring myself to touch him, let alone make out with him. We made awkward conversation for about an hour and then it was bedtime.
Any subtlety was abandoned. I grabbed a blanket, handed it to him, and gave a pointed glance at the couch. Thankfully, he understood what I was implying. I told him it'd probably be easiest if he left in the morning when I left for spin class since my roommate and I both needed to get ready for work and there was only one bathroom. Then, to stick the knife in and twist it some more, when he asked where the dogs slept, I told him, "Oh they sleep in the bed with me."
You got it dude? The dogs get to snuggle up with me in bed. You get to snuggle up with your hangover on the couch.
I wonder if he'll call me again....
The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog,
LL
I was too busy texting Crikey on my drive home to respond. Oops.
The next day I received an email saying pretty much the same thing. The ending line was, "I don't know where you came from, but I'm glad I found you." Ok hold the phone. Let's NOT join hands and start a love train. We've only spent one evening together. A long evening, no doubt, but an evening nonetheless.
Ahh...so THIS is how Crossfit felt.
I mustered up as much enthusiasm as I could and sent him a flirty, non-committal email back. Then I maintained radio silence for a few days.
Come Thursday he started texting me from Vegas, sending me pics of the house he was staying in, etc. He once again mentioned coming to see me on Sunday and I once again tried to come up with a response that wasn't too encouraging. Last I had heard from him was around 3pm on Saturday when he told me I was weirding him out because I said that I hated Vegas.
Sunday morning came and went and just as I was thinking to myself, "REALLY? Did I just get "dumped" over my dislike of Vegas?!" I got a call from a strange number. I do not answer numbers, so I let it go to voicemail. Sure enough, it was him.
I called him back on the strange number and got the story: he had gotten so drunk the night before that he had blacked out and lost his phone. This is a perfectly laughable story for a guy aged 21 on his first trip to Vegas. But for a 38 year old man who should know better?! Come on. I mean, I even thought the guys in The Hangover were kind of pathetic. Now here this guy is living it. Not impressed.
He asked if he could come see me and against my better judgement, I said yes. I gave him directions to my house and we hung up. After about 5 minutes of thinking to myself I realized I was so NOT kosher with this strange guy I hardly know spending the night at my apartment.
Look at that, skip the Sunday morning mimosa and suddenly I've got standards.
I called him back and told him as much and he said that was cool, he'd just stay at a friend's and we could go to dinner and a movie. I felt much better about this so I said great. It was 11:30am by this time and he said he'd leave at noon. I said I'd see him in 4 or 5 hours.
5pm came...
6pm came....
7pm came........at this point I was asking my roommate if it was acceptable for me to get in my pajamas and start eating macaroni and cheese because clearly this guy was NOT going to show up. She told me to give him til 8pm.
8pm came. San Diego did not. Pass the pajamas.
The roomie and I were watching the Grammys stuffing our faces when suddenly there's a knock on the door. We looked at each other in horror. No WAY this fool would show up 5 HOURS LATE, especially after I had just told him 9 hours prior that I was not comfortable with him sleeping at my place.
Oh but he did. He blamed traffic and told me some sob story about how he couldn't give up on coming to see me, despite how bad it was. Gross. Not wanting to encourage his staying any longer than he had to I quickly handed him a parking pass so that the tow nazis that troll our streets didn't tow his car off, effectively stranding him at my place.
He came back in with his clothes and toothbrush. Um, I'm sorry, what part of "I'm not comfortable with you staying here" did you not understand? I was so disgusted with him I couldn't even bring myself to touch him, let alone make out with him. We made awkward conversation for about an hour and then it was bedtime.
Any subtlety was abandoned. I grabbed a blanket, handed it to him, and gave a pointed glance at the couch. Thankfully, he understood what I was implying. I told him it'd probably be easiest if he left in the morning when I left for spin class since my roommate and I both needed to get ready for work and there was only one bathroom. Then, to stick the knife in and twist it some more, when he asked where the dogs slept, I told him, "Oh they sleep in the bed with me."
You got it dude? The dogs get to snuggle up with me in bed. You get to snuggle up with your hangover on the couch.
I wonder if he'll call me again....
The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog,
LL
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Longest. First date. Ever.
Date 3 in the trifecta of a busy week was with San Diego. Given his name he obviously had to drive up from San Diego to see me. So when he suggested we get together at 6 I happily obliged. I figured we'd be done by 9 and he'd drive back to San Diego. Little did I know....
We met up at a bar on Ocean Ave. in Santa Monica. He was very handsome, nicely built, as tall as he had said in his profile, and didn't even give me a hard time for being embarrassingly late. (I know. Rude.) Conversation flowed as freely as the wine and it was light and delicious, much like the Sauvignon Blanc he had so kindly called me to ask if I would like him to order prior to my arrival.
After an hour or so he suggested we go someplace for dinner. We wandered down 3rd Street Promenade til we found an Italian place that served gnocchi, my favorite! As we were sitting down to dinner he mentioned he had some friends he'd like us to meet up with later. Their dinner reservation wasn't til 8. Which would mean we would be meeting them around 10 or so. It was now 7:30 and we were running out of the usual first date topics to talk about. Pass the wine....
If I talked about every detail of this date we'd be here all day. Dinner was fine, and having had 2 glasses of wine, I kissed him. He was a good kisser and smelled delicious. We met his friends at another bar around 11pm and dropped them off at home around midnight. By this time I had yawned numerous times throughout the evening and was relieved that it was finally time to go home.
He had other things in mind. He wanted to keep hanging out and talk. Ugh. But I always enjoy a good drive on the PCH and we were right there, so why not? We pulled over to look at the ocean, one thing led to another, and next thing you know we're necking like 2 teenagers on prom night.
We had been kissing for a few minutes when suddenly a bright light was shined into the car. Yes, the cops! WE JUST GOT BUSTED FOR PARKING! I could NOT stop laughing as the officer told us to move along. What am I, 16?! Fortunately we were both fully clothed, unlike the very unattractive fat man we saw get out of the backseat of the mini van in front of us. Ick. Nast.
By this time it was 1am and I finally asked for mercy. I could think of nothing but my comfy warm bed and though I was having a good enough time, sleep sounded even better. That should've been my first indication of whether I should see this guy again or not.
He said he wanted to come see me next weekend and I was too tired to argue, plus mildly interested. So I said yes. He's going to Vegas with his boys and then driving to see me. I think this makes absolutely no sense, but I'm a woman with a sense of direction, so what do I know?
I like him enough but do I LIKE him like him? Or am I just too in lust with Crikey to give this guy a fair shot? I suppose only time will tell but my gut is telling me this is probably not the best match for me.
Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore, you're settling,
LL
P.S. - Another sign I probably shouldn't see this guy again? I texted Crikey during one of my bathroom breaks. Yes, I'll see you in hell.
We met up at a bar on Ocean Ave. in Santa Monica. He was very handsome, nicely built, as tall as he had said in his profile, and didn't even give me a hard time for being embarrassingly late. (I know. Rude.) Conversation flowed as freely as the wine and it was light and delicious, much like the Sauvignon Blanc he had so kindly called me to ask if I would like him to order prior to my arrival.
After an hour or so he suggested we go someplace for dinner. We wandered down 3rd Street Promenade til we found an Italian place that served gnocchi, my favorite! As we were sitting down to dinner he mentioned he had some friends he'd like us to meet up with later. Their dinner reservation wasn't til 8. Which would mean we would be meeting them around 10 or so. It was now 7:30 and we were running out of the usual first date topics to talk about. Pass the wine....
If I talked about every detail of this date we'd be here all day. Dinner was fine, and having had 2 glasses of wine, I kissed him. He was a good kisser and smelled delicious. We met his friends at another bar around 11pm and dropped them off at home around midnight. By this time I had yawned numerous times throughout the evening and was relieved that it was finally time to go home.
He had other things in mind. He wanted to keep hanging out and talk. Ugh. But I always enjoy a good drive on the PCH and we were right there, so why not? We pulled over to look at the ocean, one thing led to another, and next thing you know we're necking like 2 teenagers on prom night.
We had been kissing for a few minutes when suddenly a bright light was shined into the car. Yes, the cops! WE JUST GOT BUSTED FOR PARKING! I could NOT stop laughing as the officer told us to move along. What am I, 16?! Fortunately we were both fully clothed, unlike the very unattractive fat man we saw get out of the backseat of the mini van in front of us. Ick. Nast.
By this time it was 1am and I finally asked for mercy. I could think of nothing but my comfy warm bed and though I was having a good enough time, sleep sounded even better. That should've been my first indication of whether I should see this guy again or not.
He said he wanted to come see me next weekend and I was too tired to argue, plus mildly interested. So I said yes. He's going to Vegas with his boys and then driving to see me. I think this makes absolutely no sense, but I'm a woman with a sense of direction, so what do I know?
I like him enough but do I LIKE him like him? Or am I just too in lust with Crikey to give this guy a fair shot? I suppose only time will tell but my gut is telling me this is probably not the best match for me.
Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore, you're settling,
LL
P.S. - Another sign I probably shouldn't see this guy again? I texted Crikey during one of my bathroom breaks. Yes, I'll see you in hell.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
*Swoon*
Thanks to the flurry of dating activity that was being planned last week, it was less of a struggle to text Crikey than I thought it would be. Having learned my lesson from Crossfit and not wanting to screw it up with Crikey so early on was extra incentive NOT to act on all the flirty feelings.
Friday morning, (this is the Friday after my date with The Actor for those who are following along chronologically) as I was coming home from the gym at 8 o'clock in the morning my phone beeped. I assumed it was my roommate updating me on the bathroom/eating status of our dogs.
Much to my amazement, it was Crikey!!! Color me shocked!! And pleased. And intrigued. And turned on....oops, where was I?
It had been pouring rain and flooding in California since Crikey had left for Germany. So this is what he said:
"What the hell is going on back there? I leave you for 10 minutes and the heavens open!! Or it could be the angels crying cause they know how much I miss you..."
(I'll give you a second to regain control of your gag reflex.)
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! I mean....just....AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Sweetest. Text. Ever. Seriously!!!
OK OK OK. I know it's nauseating. As a friend pointed out to me, I MUST be nuts for this guy because that is a barfy text message....and I LOVE IT.
Rain be damned, nothing could take the smile off my face that day!
Flirting is the art of making a man feel pleased with himself,
LL
Friday morning, (this is the Friday after my date with The Actor for those who are following along chronologically) as I was coming home from the gym at 8 o'clock in the morning my phone beeped. I assumed it was my roommate updating me on the bathroom/eating status of our dogs.
Much to my amazement, it was Crikey!!! Color me shocked!! And pleased. And intrigued. And turned on....oops, where was I?
It had been pouring rain and flooding in California since Crikey had left for Germany. So this is what he said:
"What the hell is going on back there? I leave you for 10 minutes and the heavens open!! Or it could be the angels crying cause they know how much I miss you..."
(I'll give you a second to regain control of your gag reflex.)
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! I mean....just....AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Sweetest. Text. Ever. Seriously!!!
OK OK OK. I know it's nauseating. As a friend pointed out to me, I MUST be nuts for this guy because that is a barfy text message....and I LOVE IT.
Rain be damned, nothing could take the smile off my face that day!
Flirting is the art of making a man feel pleased with himself,
LL
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Actor
Actor & my emails have been quite amusing and sarcastic, it's clear this guy shares my sense of humor, which is a key trait for me. It ALMOST makes up for the fact that, as as I suspected, he is an actor.
But wait, he's not just any actor. I actually know this guy's career! He was the host of a show on HGTV that I used to love. As did my mother. So of course as soon as he tells me his name I email my mom squealing about who I'm going on a date with. Even if I had zero interest in the guy I'd have to go out with him just to let my mom live vicariously through my F-list celebrity dating stories.
This kind of puts the Actor at a double disadvantage right out of the gate: 1. my mom's a fan which doesn't exactly scream cool, and 2. he's my first date after falling madly in lust with Crikey. But I make my best effort to forget both of these facts and give the guy a fair shot.
We meet up at a pub-esque bar in Hollywood. Shockingly, I am the first to arrive. (this NEVER happens, I AM a woman after all) He calls me to find out where exactly it is and in a few minutes pulls up in front in his classic thunderbird. I guess this would qualify as impressive if I knew anything about cars, but alas, I don't. I hop in to go find parking with him and only after the rickety door shuts do I realize how stupid of an idea that was. He now has an all access pass to drive me to some remote ravine where he will rape and bury my body. Awesome.
Fortunately, life decides not to imitate a bad Lifetime movie and we simply find parking. An anticlimactic end to the scenarios I was running in my head, but one that I am grateful for. As we're getting out of the car he tells me I have a nice ass. I'm not sure how I feel about this because I DO work my butt off to keep it in good shape but really? I've known you ten minutes.
It's a bit weird being on a date with this guy I used to watch at least once a week on my tivo. When he says things I hear it in his "tv voice" instead of as just a dude. He looks exactly like he did on TV, though somehow on television he seemed taller than he actually is. Ah, Hollywood.
The bar is totally appropriate for his retro, laid back style, which is why I picked it. The food is DELICIOUS as is the beer selection. Though Actor decides it's funny to mock me when I order mozzarella balls. Really, what am I, 15?
The conversation is good and he actually asks me a lot of questions about myself which, if you know actors, can sometimes come as a surprise. He DOES seem to have a bit of angry actor syndrome because he has been on some successful shows and is currently struggling to find his next deal. This is one of those things I'll have to learn to live with if I ever want to have a relationship with this guy and it's why I don't date actors. I hear this stuff at work all day so to talk about it outside of the office can get a bit exhausting. Luckily, this is our first date and any decision of this nature is months, hell maybe years, away! (Hey. I'm a slow mover. What can I say?)
After a few hours and a few beers we're both ready to call it a night. I once again fold my very tall body into his very small car (another reason I don't get the appeal of classic cars) as he politely offers to drive me to where I had parked. The made for TV movie about my life and death momentarily flashes before me again but I'm pretty sure this guy is harmless.
When we get to my car he gets out to say goodbye. He is looking at the front end of my car which happens to be a bit dented and says he could easily fix it. Oh REALLY? I've been tired of driving around looking a bit busted but would rather spend my money on expensive jeans so I've done nothing about this. But if I could get a dude to do it for FREE?
Wait a second. What does he mean by free? Are we talking FREE or are we talking "in exchange for sexual favors so since no money is exchanged it's technically free" free? He's a man. I think I just answered my own question.
I kiss him goodnight, partly because I like him, partly because in my geeky mind it would be cool to make out with a TV personality I am a fan of, and partly because I've had 3 beers.
And scene,
LL
But wait, he's not just any actor. I actually know this guy's career! He was the host of a show on HGTV that I used to love. As did my mother. So of course as soon as he tells me his name I email my mom squealing about who I'm going on a date with. Even if I had zero interest in the guy I'd have to go out with him just to let my mom live vicariously through my F-list celebrity dating stories.
This kind of puts the Actor at a double disadvantage right out of the gate: 1. my mom's a fan which doesn't exactly scream cool, and 2. he's my first date after falling madly in lust with Crikey. But I make my best effort to forget both of these facts and give the guy a fair shot.
We meet up at a pub-esque bar in Hollywood. Shockingly, I am the first to arrive. (this NEVER happens, I AM a woman after all) He calls me to find out where exactly it is and in a few minutes pulls up in front in his classic thunderbird. I guess this would qualify as impressive if I knew anything about cars, but alas, I don't. I hop in to go find parking with him and only after the rickety door shuts do I realize how stupid of an idea that was. He now has an all access pass to drive me to some remote ravine where he will rape and bury my body. Awesome.
Fortunately, life decides not to imitate a bad Lifetime movie and we simply find parking. An anticlimactic end to the scenarios I was running in my head, but one that I am grateful for. As we're getting out of the car he tells me I have a nice ass. I'm not sure how I feel about this because I DO work my butt off to keep it in good shape but really? I've known you ten minutes.
It's a bit weird being on a date with this guy I used to watch at least once a week on my tivo. When he says things I hear it in his "tv voice" instead of as just a dude. He looks exactly like he did on TV, though somehow on television he seemed taller than he actually is. Ah, Hollywood.
The bar is totally appropriate for his retro, laid back style, which is why I picked it. The food is DELICIOUS as is the beer selection. Though Actor decides it's funny to mock me when I order mozzarella balls. Really, what am I, 15?
The conversation is good and he actually asks me a lot of questions about myself which, if you know actors, can sometimes come as a surprise. He DOES seem to have a bit of angry actor syndrome because he has been on some successful shows and is currently struggling to find his next deal. This is one of those things I'll have to learn to live with if I ever want to have a relationship with this guy and it's why I don't date actors. I hear this stuff at work all day so to talk about it outside of the office can get a bit exhausting. Luckily, this is our first date and any decision of this nature is months, hell maybe years, away! (Hey. I'm a slow mover. What can I say?)
After a few hours and a few beers we're both ready to call it a night. I once again fold my very tall body into his very small car (another reason I don't get the appeal of classic cars) as he politely offers to drive me to where I had parked. The made for TV movie about my life and death momentarily flashes before me again but I'm pretty sure this guy is harmless.
When we get to my car he gets out to say goodbye. He is looking at the front end of my car which happens to be a bit dented and says he could easily fix it. Oh REALLY? I've been tired of driving around looking a bit busted but would rather spend my money on expensive jeans so I've done nothing about this. But if I could get a dude to do it for FREE?
Wait a second. What does he mean by free? Are we talking FREE or are we talking "in exchange for sexual favors so since no money is exchanged it's technically free" free? He's a man. I think I just answered my own question.
I kiss him goodnight, partly because I like him, partly because in my geeky mind it would be cool to make out with a TV personality I am a fan of, and partly because I've had 3 beers.
And scene,
LL
Monday, January 25, 2010
We meet at last.
Funnily enough, while I was on the date with OB who should happen to call me but the man who is fast becoming my best imaginary friend: Crikey. He left a joking message about how he would accept my apology for being out of contact for so long and that he still wants to meet me. Continuing along with our sarcastic banter I sent him a text later that night telling him he's lost his South African mind if he thinks I'm apologizing for anything since HE was the one who had told me he'd get in touch when he got back in town from the holidays. More flirty words were exchanged but as usual, we left it with no firm plans.
So last weekend I decided to grab the bull by the horns and call his bluff. My friend from home was visiting and having shown her my favorite gay bars during her previous visits, we decided to venture out to a *gasp* straight bar! I was feeling particularly cute and skinny as we headed out so I decided to tell Crikey to come meet us so that on the off chance that he actually DID show up, I would be guaranteed to put my good hair day and cleavage baring shirt to use.
An hour or two went by and no word from him, which was no shock to me. I had my phone on the bar because my roommate was also going to be joining us and around 8 or so it started ringing. I expected it to be my roommate but lo and behold it was Crikey! He had just gotten off of work and said he would come and meet us. I said I'd believe it when I saw it.
I had texted my roommate to tell her to hurry up and get her butt to the bar because Crikey might actually make an appearance and about an hour later, she arrived. The first thing she said to me was, "If Crikey was the guy holding the door open for me, and I think he was, he's HOT." Oooh goody!
Sure enough my phone rang and then I turned to see him walking into the bar. His profile pictures did not do him justice. Standing in front of me was 6 feet and 3 inches of chiseled, muscular, gorgeous MAN. Thank god I had had a glass of wine or I might not have had the guts to identify myself to him. Though...given my own height I doubt I could've hid for long.
He walked over and hugged me and he smelled DELICIOUS. Danger zone. I knew instantly that this guy was going to become the new front runner in my own personal man marathon. He also had the look of a dude who could have any girl he wanted and thus, the chances of him being a major douchebag were high.
Unfortunately for me....well fortunately but unfortunately for my heart....he was anything but. He was a gentleman in every sense of the word: involving my friends in conversation, buying drinks for us all, but paying extra attention to me to let me know I was the one he was there to see. The thing I liked best about him were his eyes. He has some of the kindest eyes I've ever seen on a man. Something about the laugh lines around them and the way he would listen intently when I was talking to him melted my heart.
This was trouble. Big trouble.
After a few more glasses of wine, he and I were chatting with our heads closely together. I, being the happy go lucky and slutty wino that I am, leaned in and kissed him. It was as delicious as he smelled. After a few moments he murmured, "Should we be doing this in front of your friends?" and I said "I don't care if we should or not," and kissed him again. Some friend I am.
The rest of the evening went on swimmingly and I was planning the multiple dates we'd be going on in the coming week if I had my way. Then he told me he was leaving for Germany on Monday for 3 weeks to guard the bodies of the celebrity couple he works for. As quick as the universe gives, it takes away.
He walked me to my car, told me to put him as my number one on speed dial in case I had problems on the way home, and kissed me goodbye, promising to call or text me from Germany. I LOVE when a guy gets all protective so this was a major turn on. If I hadn't been driving I would've sat on my hands to keep from texting him immediately. But, having learned my lesson from Crossfit, I decided to proceed with caution in the hopes of not screwing this up.
A little while after we got home he texted me goodnight, which I was happy *I* had not initiated. I went to sleep with a smile on my face and woke up thinking of him.
Here's where it gets tough. Every hormone in my body wants to text him and begin flirting again. But I am remembering the wise words of Crossfit and I am NOT making the next move. This time I'll make the man come to me!
I just hope he comes soon.
No pun intended.
(OK maybe a bit of a pun intended...)
There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy, like nailing jelly to a tree for example,
LL
So last weekend I decided to grab the bull by the horns and call his bluff. My friend from home was visiting and having shown her my favorite gay bars during her previous visits, we decided to venture out to a *gasp* straight bar! I was feeling particularly cute and skinny as we headed out so I decided to tell Crikey to come meet us so that on the off chance that he actually DID show up, I would be guaranteed to put my good hair day and cleavage baring shirt to use.
An hour or two went by and no word from him, which was no shock to me. I had my phone on the bar because my roommate was also going to be joining us and around 8 or so it started ringing. I expected it to be my roommate but lo and behold it was Crikey! He had just gotten off of work and said he would come and meet us. I said I'd believe it when I saw it.
I had texted my roommate to tell her to hurry up and get her butt to the bar because Crikey might actually make an appearance and about an hour later, she arrived. The first thing she said to me was, "If Crikey was the guy holding the door open for me, and I think he was, he's HOT." Oooh goody!
Sure enough my phone rang and then I turned to see him walking into the bar. His profile pictures did not do him justice. Standing in front of me was 6 feet and 3 inches of chiseled, muscular, gorgeous MAN. Thank god I had had a glass of wine or I might not have had the guts to identify myself to him. Though...given my own height I doubt I could've hid for long.
He walked over and hugged me and he smelled DELICIOUS. Danger zone. I knew instantly that this guy was going to become the new front runner in my own personal man marathon. He also had the look of a dude who could have any girl he wanted and thus, the chances of him being a major douchebag were high.
Unfortunately for me....well fortunately but unfortunately for my heart....he was anything but. He was a gentleman in every sense of the word: involving my friends in conversation, buying drinks for us all, but paying extra attention to me to let me know I was the one he was there to see. The thing I liked best about him were his eyes. He has some of the kindest eyes I've ever seen on a man. Something about the laugh lines around them and the way he would listen intently when I was talking to him melted my heart.
This was trouble. Big trouble.
After a few more glasses of wine, he and I were chatting with our heads closely together. I, being the happy go lucky and slutty wino that I am, leaned in and kissed him. It was as delicious as he smelled. After a few moments he murmured, "Should we be doing this in front of your friends?" and I said "I don't care if we should or not," and kissed him again. Some friend I am.
The rest of the evening went on swimmingly and I was planning the multiple dates we'd be going on in the coming week if I had my way. Then he told me he was leaving for Germany on Monday for 3 weeks to guard the bodies of the celebrity couple he works for. As quick as the universe gives, it takes away.
He walked me to my car, told me to put him as my number one on speed dial in case I had problems on the way home, and kissed me goodbye, promising to call or text me from Germany. I LOVE when a guy gets all protective so this was a major turn on. If I hadn't been driving I would've sat on my hands to keep from texting him immediately. But, having learned my lesson from Crossfit, I decided to proceed with caution in the hopes of not screwing this up.
A little while after we got home he texted me goodnight, which I was happy *I* had not initiated. I went to sleep with a smile on my face and woke up thinking of him.
Here's where it gets tough. Every hormone in my body wants to text him and begin flirting again. But I am remembering the wise words of Crossfit and I am NOT making the next move. This time I'll make the man come to me!
I just hope he comes soon.
No pun intended.
(OK maybe a bit of a pun intended...)
There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy, like nailing jelly to a tree for example,
LL
Sunday, January 24, 2010
You down with the OB? Yeah you know me!
The date that I select as the opening ceremony for Round 2 is with Old Balls. (Whom from here on out I will refer to as OB just because I feel like such a jerk calling him Old Balls.) After exchanging an appropriate amount of emails he politely asked me for my number. We chat on the phone and make plans for later in the week. The morning of our date he texts me to reconfirm and tell me he's looking forward to it. I am a sucker for good manners so I am looking forward to the evening.
He picked a classy hotel bar that was 30 seconds from my house, which was kind of him since he lives in the valley, a good 20 minutes away. Again with the manners. He looked like his profile picture...for the most part. No, really, he did, but he also LOOKED more OB than I had perceived him as in his pics. Not like he was sprouting hair from his ears and had wrinkles like a shar pei...but there was just an air of "his forties" that he had to him. I felt like I was hanging out with a friend of my parents.
Conversation was pleasant, he didn't excessively drink, he complimented me and asked me questions about myself, he was interesting...but that click just wasn't there. I wish it was, because on paper he's perfect. He's successful, has 2 dogs, a house, a seemingly well balanced life of work and play...but if the click's not there, it's just not there.
I am a firm believer that the click CAN grow...but I also don't think the gentlemen doing online dating are looking for months of getting to know a girl before physical contact. When I meet someone considerably older than me in my daily life and we have regular interaction and THEN a relationship grows from that, that's one thing. But trying to build all of that from someone who's online looking for someone to date, not just be friends with, is a bit trickier.
He was kind enough to drive me home since my roommate had dropped me off at the hotel, and I didn't fear him as the stalker type so I felt ok letting him know where I live. He swooped in for a quick peck, which was, once again, the appropriate gentlemanly thing to do. He texted me when he got home and emailed me the next day. It oddly didn't feel like overkill, just courteous. I haven't quite figured out how to tell him I'm just not that into him. He's the first guy I had a date with who clearly didn't feel the same lack of click that I did. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he is a very sweet and good man....just not the right sweet and good man for me.
I'm just not that into him,
LL
He picked a classy hotel bar that was 30 seconds from my house, which was kind of him since he lives in the valley, a good 20 minutes away. Again with the manners. He looked like his profile picture...for the most part. No, really, he did, but he also LOOKED more OB than I had perceived him as in his pics. Not like he was sprouting hair from his ears and had wrinkles like a shar pei...but there was just an air of "his forties" that he had to him. I felt like I was hanging out with a friend of my parents.
Conversation was pleasant, he didn't excessively drink, he complimented me and asked me questions about myself, he was interesting...but that click just wasn't there. I wish it was, because on paper he's perfect. He's successful, has 2 dogs, a house, a seemingly well balanced life of work and play...but if the click's not there, it's just not there.
I am a firm believer that the click CAN grow...but I also don't think the gentlemen doing online dating are looking for months of getting to know a girl before physical contact. When I meet someone considerably older than me in my daily life and we have regular interaction and THEN a relationship grows from that, that's one thing. But trying to build all of that from someone who's online looking for someone to date, not just be friends with, is a bit trickier.
He was kind enough to drive me home since my roommate had dropped me off at the hotel, and I didn't fear him as the stalker type so I felt ok letting him know where I live. He swooped in for a quick peck, which was, once again, the appropriate gentlemanly thing to do. He texted me when he got home and emailed me the next day. It oddly didn't feel like overkill, just courteous. I haven't quite figured out how to tell him I'm just not that into him. He's the first guy I had a date with who clearly didn't feel the same lack of click that I did. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he is a very sweet and good man....just not the right sweet and good man for me.
I'm just not that into him,
LL
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